My Summer ‘Blip’

Hello, lovely people.

I’ve mentioned some “medication changes” lately. One of the medications involved is an opioid pain medication. I am in the process of transitioning out from this regime, which causes a multitude of its own problems- tolerance, dependence, central sensitization, constipation, drowsiness, and more. After I wean off opioids, the plan is to go on a low dose naltrexone (LDN) regime. My medication regime has slimmed down the last few months, but it’s still complicated at times to figure out which drug is responsible for which effect. I hope that the LDN has a clear, and positive effect.

Long-term opioid usage is something I have never been comfortable with. I understand that for many chronic pain patients, starting an opioid regime is unavoidable and necessary. That’s exactly how it was for me.

I’ve only mentioned “medication changes” in a non-specific sense before this post. I do believe I am an open person, but there are still things I am not overly open about. I was lucky to have a very open and honest visit with someone I care deeply for, and it really helped my mood. I was able to sit up for a bit, then I had to lay down. I was able to quietly cry without feeling guilty for bringing my visitor down. Usually I have some guilt about that. That visit encouraged me to talk about my medication changes more openly, and get some of my thoughts out regarding opioids.

I hate the stigma associated with opioids. I hate the fact that I’m on them. I hate the fact that prescribing them wasn’t taken seriously by doctors for a long time, and that now there is a crisis. I hate how pain patients who really need pain management are blocked from opioids in fear of this crisis.

I hate how much function I’ve lost since starting the opioid weaning process. I hate how it feels like a huge step back when I can’t do the exercises I worked so hard to be able to do. I hate the adjustment period when my body is forced to adjust to a new pain level.

I tell myself everyday that this is just a blip. I allow myself to hate parts of it, because it seems to help me stay hopeful it will be over at some point. I tell myself to be even more patient than I’ve already been. I will readjust, it’s just taking time.

Today I managed to go on my stationary recumbent bike for one minute. This is the first time I’ve been able to get on it in 3 weeks.

It’s just a blip. It will be over before I know it. Breathe, rinse, and repeat.

 

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The World We Live In

Once again, it’s been a while.

A few things are happening that contributed to my lack of posts in the last month or so.

It’s really two things: medication changes, and the state of the world today. I can’t be the only one who works through emotions on a daily basis, hearing about the lives of people across the globe. I am privileged in a plethora of ways. The vast majority of world issues do not affect me directly, I am very aware of my privileges in that sense. Unless you have a giant pair of horse blinders connected to rose coloured glasses, I think it’s impossible not to be overwhelmed by the world we live in…

*Warning: This is a very heavy post. Topics include war, suicide, violence, and oppression..* Read More »