I haven’t been writing very much in the last ~6 months. I’ve really been trying to focus on becoming more functional, and I’ve sort of neglected some of the other stuff. Writing helps me to process things, and to mark different events. It’s always hard to balance all the aspects of our lives. I think everyone feels out of balance at some point, sometimes even daily! (Exams, am I right students?!)
As you may have heard me mention before, chronic pain and depression often go hand-in-hand. When your life has changed so significantly because of daily pain, depression can easily follow. When I don’t have enough positive things to share, I get upset with myself. I start to question if I am doing all I can be doing. I question whether or not I could have handled one more exercise yesterday, whether I’m whimpering the day after or not. I question whether I am being honest with myself about my future, or if I’m delusional in some way for believing I will have a life back again. Some of these thoughts are totally illogical or untrue, and are therefore poisonous to my recovery and well-being. It doesn’t stop the thoughts from happening, though.
Like anyone else who goes through mind state challenges, it’s a daily thing to push all these thoughts away. I’m sure many of you know how much energy that can take. I am determined to push for progress, and the mental aspect of it is huge.
So what does progress look like? I’m not on opioids, so that is positive. The new medication, low dose naltrexone (LDN) seems to be helping. I can handle more activity, spend longer standing, and spend longer sitting. Yes, I am training myself to sit and stand again. I can sit in a normal chair for a maximum of about an hour. Then I pay for it with a flare up. I can stand for about 15-20 minutes. This is a big accomplishment for me, because there was a time when I could barely stand for 2 minutes. I couldn’t sit without knowing I would be flared up after. I can also handle more stimulus than I used to, including vibrations, and sounds. I am really enjoying music again, which is lovely. That’s what progress looks like for me.
I am doing my best to keep the pace moving forward. I want to stay on this path of improvement for as long as I can. Keep on keeping on, or something like that.
Here’s to low pain & high functioning days!