Inspiration Tourniquet

Good evening!

If you follow my blog, you may have noticed a real quiet period in the last couple months. As I implied in my last post, Quick Update, it has been a real trying time recently both mentally and physically.

Physically, I had a pretty wicked flare that seemed to last about 7 weeks. It started during December and carried on into January. Of course it’s hard to separate a physical flare from the mental state that either supports it or fights it. Looking back, I think I had a few low days thinking about the upcoming holiday season. This mental drop allowed the physicality of this disease to permeate my body even more than it usually does. My birthday also happens to fall a couple days after Christmas. I had to run away from my little birthday celebration. Well, kick everyone out of my room anyway. The weather was also unrelenting so that always affects me. It’s been up and down since the Big Bad Flare, but I have been able to add some different exercises.

The mental state of a person in pain is a huge determining factor in quality of life. I really believe that. If you can find things to enjoy and be grateful for, it can really help. If everything is daunting and you feel hopeless, it can really translate physically. Unfortunately mental states are easily altered by things beyond our control like depression, anxiety, side effects from the myriad of medications, support or lack thereof, financials, and underlying societal conditions. I remind myself that not everything can be controlled. As long as I can find aspects of myself that I can exercise control over, I can accept that. So, an example (also mentioned in my last post) is the current President of the United States of America. I find many of his words and actions to be deeply disturbing. So, I really try and stay away from visuals and have even started refusing to say his name. I try and discuss him as little as possible and for all intents and purposes, his name is 45.

I titled this post Inspiration Tourniquet because creatively my brain has been foggy and stifled. Sometimes I think creativity is a privilege, although there are those who still manage to turn it out in dire situations. For me, I need a bit of clarity to feel good about the words I share here. I love words, and when I am foggy I seem to lose them. Then the frustration comes. Frustration is an overall crap emotion, it hits me hard on the foggy days.

So thank you, thank you, thank you for being patient. That’s all I try to be, especially with my new life as a host for CRPS.

Zara aka Queen Bizara aka Zarx aka Your Favourite Cripple (right?!)